As your companion, I'd like to be optimistic and view that humans are innately good. We were born good, but external factors such as our environment and upbringing can deter us from the path of the righteous. As kids, how many times have we dreamt of being a hero in one form or another? We dreamed of saving the world, saving our loved ones and having superpowers that can ultimately defeat the bad guys. Alas, reality and adulthood showed us that superpowers do not exist, and quite often the bad guys get away with their perceived evil deeds. But I believe that it may not be entirely true. After all, shadows can not form in the absence of light.
Our qualities as weapons for battle
Every one of us has our own unique weapons to wield in the battle of life. Some may wield the power of beauty - alluring and enchanting their foes, while others may wield the weapon of knowledge - confusing and breaking their enemies inside out. For a smaller group of players with the VIP advantage of wealth - the game may not be so hard with the ability to purchase better gears, allies and weapons without having to grind. It may sound perfect but these players lose out on the feeling of triumph from conquering a difficult quest. An easy game may not necessarily mean a fun game.
Our unique weapons propel us further into the game of life depending on how well we refine, and how well we wield it. Some may have the capacity to wield more than one weapon, while others may struggle just to master one. We often focus on our unique weapons but neglect the universal weapon that everyone possesses - our conscience.
We see weapons as tangible objects, and yet all these unique weapons and this universal weapon are abstract qualities. How can someone's conscience be considered a weapon? What exactly is a conscience? Is it true that everyone possesses one? Yes! This brings us back to the belief that humans are innately good. A conscience is the voice in your head that tells you when something doesn't seem right, and I believe that as soon as little children were able to process thoughts into a decision making process, the conscience develops.
Development of the conscience
In the early years, parents play a major role in the growth of a child's conscience. Just simple things like being told "No! Don't hit your brother, that's not nice!" implants in our little minds that hitting someone is not nice.
As our parents continuously call us out over the years, we start learning that violence is not the right way to handle things - as it usually comes with some form of retribution. Our conscience comes into play when we see the hurt on our brother's face after being hit; when our parents look distraught at the broken items around the house, and the quiet sobs that we try to shut out when we yell out how horrible they were to us. Our conscience delved into our animal instincts - that we all naturally react negatively to a loved one's pain.
Unfortunately, the world isn't so simple and pure. Not everyone holds accountability or face consequences for causing another person's suffering.
Why is it that some people feel guilty for the tiniest white lie, while others feel a sense of power and is guilt-free stepping on a powerless puppy? What are the factors that lead to ones conscience being stripped of emotions, deprived from compassion and the ability to empathize?
As early as age 2, children can already start imitating complex adult actions. A child that is constantly exposed to abusive or violent adults will begin catching on to abusive and violent behaviors. A child that is raised by emotionally detached adults will often grow up emotionally unavailable - lost, unaware of their own emotional shortcomings, and incapable of building meaningful connections. There are, of course, exceptions in every case. There are children belonging to dysfunctional families that came out very mature, wise and compassionate. The latter also applies - where children that grew up privileged, surrounded by loving parents, seem to be what we call "spoiled" because everything was spoon-fed and they rarely had the chance to practice self-control or empathy.
The struggle is real for both adults and children as we try to reach the optimum balance between gentle love and tough love. When is it time to let go of your child so they fall and learn, and when is it time for you to step in and provide support? A harsh living environment can either make or break a child, and so can a privileged environment.
Why is it that people who have been through a rough life seem to have much more compassion than generations who grew up pampered but breaking down over the littlest mishaps? Why is it that some people who have all the tools provided to be happy end up broken mentally, but those less fortunate can find happiness in the littlest things?
There are so many aspects in life that influence a child's emotional growth and conscience development that elaborating on them all would take an encyclopedia's worth of writing! Two brothers who grew up with the same alcoholic father - yet one grew up never drinking but the other grew up to be an alcoholic. Was it all external factors that influence one's decision? Why is it that there are two outcomes from the same experience? Nothing is ever a set-as-stone determinant of a person's future. After all, discipline is something that one chooses to adopt into their own life, not something that is instilled at birth. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!
Relationship between conscience and Emotional Quotient
The more developed our conscience is, the more susceptible we are to another person's emotions. As our conscience grows, we may feel towards friends or even strangers the same empathy that we feel towards our own family. The smaller our conscience, the less likely we are to be empathetic towards people who aren't closely in our circle. We can observe a positive correlation between the growth of one's conscience versus one's empathetic capabilities. Empathy requires an understanding and digestion of another person's struggles, and thus plays a big part in the development of what we call emotional intelligence (a large part that constitutes ones' Emotional Quotient, EQ).
A person with low EQ may be told that they're not empathetic, that they have anger management issues, or they just generally emit a bad aura. Having emotional intelligence means being aware of your own emotional shortcomings and the capacity to maneuver with turbulent moods. The epitome of emotional control is when you allow yourself to feel all the impacts of extreme events (traumatic situations e.g. a breakup or death of a loved one, or the latter extreme such as falling in love, winning an award) without letting the emotions cloud your judgements or influence impulsive reactions.
Threatening to kill your ex after they broke up with you is a for sure sign of lack of emotional control. Submitting to peer pressure and donating all your award earnings to charity could also be another sign of lack of emotional control. The degree to which your action is powered by emotions infers the level of your EQ. The growth of one's conscience therefore plays an important part in making sound judgement based on one's empathetic capabilities and well-managed emotions.
The conscience towards one's success
To determine whether one is successful or not, we must know what constitutes the definition of success. Does success look like a pile of money to you? Does it mean internal peace? Does it come in the form of happiness on your loved ones' faces, or despair on your enemy's? Everyone's version of success is different, and I don't judge on what success means to you! Depending on your definition of success, I do know that your conscience plays a role in leading you there.
If having an abundance of money meant success to you, then what would you have to do to make money? Do you have to step on a coworker to get that promotion? Do you have to give a tender offer to the shareholders of a smaller company for a hostile takeover? Is it possible to make money without compromising universal ethical expectations? If the only option to make large sums of money is to have ethical misconducts, then isn't the conscience the last thing you need?
What if revenge is what you seek? Humans are emotional creatures. A delirious and directionless person with a low EQ may find their sole reason to continue living is seeking revenge. What would you have to do to achieve your goal? Make someone feel a sense of regret? In what way? Would it involve compromising their well-being, or is your version of revenge to be happy and live better without harming them?
What if your goal is to have peace of mind? Do no wrong, harm no one, whatever it takes to sleep well at night and be happy with yourself. How big or small must your conscience be to achieve internal peace? Would every of your decision be made on whether it is the right thing to do to leave you guilt-free, and if so, what's the catch to this lifestyle? To have a clear conscience, must you give up every opportunity to gain at the risk of compromising another, no matter how big or small?
The decision to grow or shrink one's conscience to achieve success will come with its own consequences. Some may find that the cost of achieving one's goals through shutting down the conscience is the lack of meaningful relationships and connections thereafter. Others may find that the cost of following the voice in their head could be losing out on potential materialistic gains.
Understanding the conscience will help you assess the situation and make a judgement based on well-managed emotions. Knowing the size of your conscience is knowing whether the size of your weapon is an asset or handicap. A small conscience may prove beneficial to someone whose success means harming others, yet may become a handicap for someone whose desire is to do good. As a last resort, your conscience reminds you of whether you want to be hero or evil. If the path deemed less-righteous and humane is where you want to walk, then the decision to shut down your conscience is a choice you must make. Otherwise, you will face a lot of internal battles while still struggling to achieve your goal.
The conscience alongside our qualities
Our unique weapons are often the ones that deal the most damage, and thus we focus on refining those instead. As our conscience plays the back-support role, we rarely acknowledge or dedicate time to understanding what it is or how it plays a role in our battle. We were taught by schools and pushed by parents to improve on this skill and achieve that award, but how often is the focus placed on...being human? Why is it that successful people who seem to wield all the unique weapons out there - beauty, brain, riches and talent, are the ones seldom happy with themselves? Did they follow the voice in their head to do the right thing, stay true to themselves, or lose it somewhere along the way? Why do some people give up a life that many would kill to have, give up the qualities that many would die for, to live a much more humble life instead?
The complexity of human minds and emotions is something that until now, I can never fully ponder. What does success mean to us? What path do we want to walk? Don't we all want to be a superhero saving the day, or is that too absurd of a dream? Does our conscience prevent us from wielding certain unique weapons that we have? How can we achieve our goals without losing who we are? If everyone listened to the righteous voice in their head, would civilization still exist? After all, shadows can not form in the absence of light. But in the absence of shadows, wouldn't we all be blinded by the light?
Sources:
Children's bureau (2018). Why The First 5 Years of Child Development Are So Important. Available at: https://www.all4kids.org/news/blog/why-the-first-5-years-of-child-development-are-so-important/
Goleman, D. (2020) Harvard researcher says the most emotionally intelligent people have these 12 traits. Which do you have? CNBC. Available at: https://www.cnbc.com/2020/06/09/harvard-psychology-researcher-biggest-traits-of-emotional-intelligence-do-you-have-them.html
Ioannidou, F. and Konstantikak V. (2008) Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: What is it really about? International Journal of Caring Sciences. Available at: http://internationaljournalofcaringsciences.org/docs/Vol1_Issue3_03_Ioannidou.pdf